My Chuck Norris Jokes
My stepson Xavier turned us back on to Chuck Norris jokes. We thought they'd died out, but no, they're still alive and round-house kicking. They've been around for a decade or longer now.
Below are some of my original Chuck Norris jokes:
My Chuck Norris Jokes
| The boogeyman scares
his children with stories of Chuck Norris. |
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| Cell phones have to
sign a contract to be with Chuck Norris. |
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| Everyone fears time. Time
fears the pyramids. The pyramids fear Chuck Norris. |
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| God took the name 'God'
because 'Chuck Norris' was already taken. |
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| Chuck Norris played himself
in the movie Dodgeball because no one else could. |
Superman is only faster than
a speeding bullet when he's running from Chuck Norris. |
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| Lance Armstrong won the
Tour de France 7 times because Chuck Norris was too busy to compete. |
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| Chuck Norris wears tennis shoes
so he won't bruise the ground. |
Plants spend their entire life
hoping to receive a single drop of Chuck Norris' sweat. |
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| Chuck Norris once slapped
the ocean in California and accidently caused a tsunami in New Zealand. |
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| Chuck Norris is so strong that
deodorants need to wear him. |
Ants won't gather at a
Chuck Norris picnic. |
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| Chuck Norris can't get a tattoo;
the ink is unable to mar his skin. |
Lightning won't strike Chuck
Norris — it knows better. |
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| Chuck Norris doesn't get colds.
He wards them off with a round-house kick. |
Chuck Norris never sends steak
back for being too tough. |
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| Chuck Norris never
guesses the wrong wire when he's disarming a bomb. |
The definition in the
dictionary for "invincible" says "see Chuck Norris." |
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| Chuck Norris can solve Pi. | ||
| Chuck Norris knows the name
of God. It's Chuck Norris. |
Chuck Norris can sneeze without blinking. — Written by my stepson, Xavier Morales. |
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| Chuck Norris was once hit by a train. The train lost. |
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| Chuck Norris has Geronimo's rifle, Marilyn's shampoo, and Benny Goodman's corset and pen. | Chuck Norris can spit in the wind. | Chuck Norris knows all the prime numbers. |
| Chuck Norris can poop without peeing. — Written by my stepson, Xavier Morales. |
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| Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, but he isn't faster than Chuck Norris. |
Chuck Norris doesn't have to "walk it off." |
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| Pirates won't touch Chuck Norris' booty. |
Chuck Norris never has accidents; everything he does is on purpose. |
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| When the Dalai Lama is troubled, he asks himself, "What would Chuck Norris do?" |
42 is the answer. Chuck Norris knows the question. |
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| Chuck Norris doesn't have to fight for his right to party. | ||
| Chuck Norris invented beer pong. | Windows doesn't give Chuck Norris the blue screen of death. It knows better. |
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| Chuck Norris can tug on Superman's cape. |
Chuck Norris knocked the battery off of Robert Conrad's shoulder with a roundhouse kick. |
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| Chuck Norris knows where the beef is. |
When Chuck Norris runs, he has to do it on a treadmill so he won't affect the Earth's rotation. |
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| Chuck Norris can destroy the black box. |
Chuck Norris has more than 24 hours in his day. |
Note: Chuck Norris was not injured during the making of these jokes.
